exactly where I am supposed to be.
Have you ever been so depressed about so many things and then either read something, feel something and/or hear something and realize that no matter what is happening it is happening for a reason and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be!!!
Right around Christmas I started to talk to my biological father again. When I got a divorce, he basically disowned me...there is more to it than that but again that is another story. After a week of really trying hard to make an effort to call him and talk with him and work through our problems, he, out of the blue, tells me that he doesn't think that this will work...basically I was told that it was not worth the effort. I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. Those of you who know me know the history and all the abuse (physical, mental and emotional) that my mother, my sister and I took from my biological father. When my mom decided she wanted a divorce I was thrilled!!! No more beatings, no more shot guns, no more being thrown down flights of stairs or having glass shards thrown at me... Fast forward to age 23...He had quit drinking and been sober for 5 years. We started a very delicate relationship but it grew and we became friends. Anyways, I have spent 20 years letting this man slowly come back into my life. When my marriage fell apart, my biological father decided that I was not worth the effort. I was truly devastated. I have been carrying this around for almost three years. At Christmas, I tried again. I really thought that maybe we could become friends again. Guess not!! I didn't get as upset about this as I have in the past but it did/does eat at me now and again.
A few days ago, I was looking through the gallery at TTS and came upon a layout by Nancy P. It's a great layout with a quote that is fabulous...I have learned to love enough to let go! I know that I will never live up to my biological father's expectation...I love him, I will always love him...but I need to let him go! Thank you Nancy for helping me realize that I NEED to let go!
Tonight while watching SnowBuddies with my son I heard another wonderful quote...I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
I have to trust that the Lord has something in mind with all of this and that He has put me exactly where I am supposed to be...I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I don't have to understand it...I just need to trust him!!!
Thanks to everyone who has supported me through this...thanks for listening, thanks for holding me, thanks for advise, plane and simple THANKS!!! (Don't think that this is the end of it as I know it will rear it's ugly little head again) But I know that I can always count on all of you to be there holding me up through the whole ordeal!
Blessings,
4 comments:
You're exactly right Angela--You ARE EXACTLY where you are supposed to be!! That's a very true and powerful quote!
Veronica
and a quote that goes along with it... " we all need our past to get here" its true isnt it? God uses the crap thrown at us, and fashions us into his precioucs vessels... you have been sued by God in my life to bless me, thank you
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that with your father. I too feel like everything happens for a reason and I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.
My mother use to say "God will never give you anything you can't handle."
And I think you are doing a fine job of handling this situation. Your a very inspirational person!
Sometimes we get our answers through other people, and it sounds like Nancy was the messenger. It has to be hard, but it sounds like you have found ways to deal with all of this. (((HUGZ))) to you.
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