Healing

This weekend went by so fast! Tyler and I spent most of Saturday afternoon relaxing. I completed the layout that I was doing as a tribute to my sister. I am very happy with it. I am not so happy with my scanner but cannot replace it right now; so I have to settle with it cutting off the top of everything...No matter how I scan it or stitch it!! As I finished this layout I felt a warm fuzzy feeling come over me. I felt as if something lifted off of me! It has been such a wonderful feeling! I feel more at ease, more comforted, more...? full of life? I cannot put my finger on it but it feels good.










After that I created 4 small brag books for children battling cancer. I really accomplished a lot.

We then spent the evenings, both Saturday and Sunday, sitting around the camp fire at the cabin, roasting marshmellows and watching the sun set! What an awesome sun set. The stars where unbelievable! I can't wait to see the Northern Lights from the cabin this fall! I know they will be spectacular.

As I close today, I wonder about the 'things' we hand on to for too long. Anger...Worry... Hurt...Pain...and even some Memories. Isn't life much better when we can just let go?

I feel more at peace than I have in a long time. What can you let go of? Give it to God! He will take care of you.

Blessings,

Middle of September?

Yesterday would have been my sister's 48th birthday. I thought I would have a really tough time with this day so I took it off from work and pampered myself. I went and got my hair highlighted and styled. I went shopping. I had a sinful pretzel from Starbuck's. I spent almost the whole day on myself. Then I decided we were going to have a birthday party for my sister. We had a special dinner; all of our favorites...marinated steak, fried mushrooms and onions, bacon wrapped scallops, baby glazed carrots, baked potatoes with butter and salt on the skins, fresh bread buttered both sides and toasted in the oven and of course dessert, raspberry cow tracks ice cream. Absolutely nothing that was healthy for us but yummmmyy! Then we had movie night; we watched something silly and funny...Country Bears! It was so much fun and relaxing. The whole day was very good...just as it should have been. A celebration of her life.Where does the time go?? I cannot believe it is the middle of September. Sheesh! If life keeps going at this speed, I won't have time to do all the things I want to accomplish!!

Where does the time go?? I cannot believe it is the middle of September. Sheesh! If life keeps going at this speed, I won't have time to do all the things I want to accomplish!!

Today I got up and snuggled with Tyler for about 1/2 hour. I love to do this and he told me this morning that he loved snuggling with Mom she's the best snuggler in the world! LOL! Of course after about 1/2 hour, cartoons became his main focus. T.V. is normally a NO! in this house but I had brought some work home and needed time to get it done so Pokemon here we come! This Pokemon thing is an obsession with him! He has games, movies, shows, cards...I just don't ever remember having an addiction like this one at the age of 8. He eats, sleeps and breathes Pokemon. I keep this very limited too!

It is very cold here the past few days. We are dropping into the 20's at night. Hard frost at night. Even the plants close to house froze!!! Winter is coming fast! We had snow flurries yesterday morning. Yikes!!

I love the fall but this year it went from daytime temps of 90's to 40's, overnight. What happened to the nice 50's to 70's. The walking in the woods and smelling Autumn. We don't even have any colors this year. It is very strange.

Today I am taking the air conditioners out and putting them away! I am also hoping to get to an outdoor craft show but it is almost too cold. Not just cold but windy!!

School is going great! Tyler had an awesome week! No trouble at all!! It's a miracle!!! No, not really; it's the difference between a poor teacher and an excellent teacher!! He has a great teacher this year! I even got the phone call! You know the one. You hold your breath and wonder when the bomb is going to fall?? But it didn't. He said Tyler was doing excellent! WhooHoo!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to be remembered for? My goal is to wake up every morning and be excited because life is going by sooo fast and ...

Today IS the first day of the rest of my life, let me please make the most of it!!

One Month

Wow, I cannot believe that it has been one month today since my sister passed away. It seems like it was just yesterday, yet it seems like ages ago. All at the same time. I am still having a hard time believing she is gone and I am definitely having trouble dealing with the loss. I never thought I would ever go through a situation I couldn't deal with. I dealt with a son who was preemie and went through 9 surgeries before he was one, I went through a divorce, going to school, a breast cancer scare and a cervical cancer scare all at the same time, I dealt with being abused my by father...I have never had the nightmares and uncontrollable tears that I have had with the death of my sister. I know that time heals everything, along with prayer. Every time I start to cry, I remember her faith and courage and it makes me stronger. To this day, her faith in God amazes me. I can remember when she was laying in bed and I asked her if she was worried about Gary (her husband) and Matthew. She said to me that she wasn't worried because God had a plan and He would take care of them.

I can still remember when she basically asked my other sister and I permission to die. We knew her time was coming and coming fast, but we really knew she was ready when she asked us if we would be okay if she died while we were laying with her. Again, she was always thinking about everyone else.

Her sense of humor was wonderful, right up to the very last days. We were feeding her ice chips and we dropped one down her shirt. And one of us said something about her cleavage. She laughed, pulled her shirt up, and said what cleavage. (She had a full mastectomy 7 years ago!)

I guess as I look back on the past month, I have really started the healing process. This blog and every one's love and support has been wonderful. Being able to share with everyone what I am feeling, being given support by comments here and e-mails and making new friends with my sister's friends has helped beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

My thoughts for today are to find the good in everything. Even in death, I can look back and see the laughter. I can look at my son's surgeries and see the strength and courage in myself and in him. Look at your life. Even when things seem there worst, what are you learning. What are you laughing about. If you aren't laughing, find something to laugh about and find someone to laugh with! Life is truly what YOU make it! It is a gift from God! It is wonderful. Live it fully!

Blessings,

Hang it on the cross!

Wow! What a week! Tyler started school on Wednesday. We had a meet and greet with his teacher on Tuesday night and I set up a meeting for Wednesday morning at 8:30. I needed to talk with him about my ex and his lack of enthusiasm for school and refusal to help Tyler with homework. This tends to make life difficult because my ex has Tyler on Monday and Wednesdays and every other weekend. Don't get me wrong. My ex is all in all a pretty good guy (for an ex) but he hated school growing up and I think the homework and spelling words intimidate him. My ex is also a very selfish person. He bowls on Monday nights and golfs on Wednesday night. See a pattern here?? LOL! Anyways, the meeting went very good. The teacher seems great and very helpful.

Tyler didn't even make it through the first day of third grade without being sent to the time out room (place they have to spend recess). He was disrespectful to the teacher. Set him straight! He told me that this third grade stuff is much stricter than second grade. I told him he needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. He agreed and the rest of the week went without a problem! I even got a call from the teacher last night telling me Tyler was doing 'excellent'. Only the one minor problem. Let's pray that this continues.

Today I had out patient surgery. They removed a small nasty looking mole and two huge 'deposits' from right side rib cage. They took out two very large (green grape size) deposits. I ended up with 14 stitches. Sheesh it hurts to even move!! They sent it in to the pathologist and I should have results back by Tuesday! After everything with my sister, I am a nervous wreck! I am not sleeping, anything I eat definitely does not digest correctly, I am a walking zombie.

Yet, as I turn to God and try to do as my sister did 'put it in God's hands', I seem to find a little bit of peace. My regular doctor says that a break down is coming and it is normal. I am so grateful that I 'know' the Lord. Can you imagine the people who do not know they are in His hands, that He is all knowing, all comforting. That He has a plan. I know that I am scared but I also know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that He will not carry me through! Our God is an awesome God!

Things to ponder: Have you put your faith in Him? I mean really put your faith in Him? There is nothing, NOTHING, that you need to worry about! Hang it on the Cross! It reminds me of something I memorized a long time ago. I do not know who wrote it but it is so true:

If you have a secret sorrow, a burden or a loss, an aching need for healing...Hang it on the Cross.
If worry steals your sleep and makes you turn and toss, if your heart is feeling heavy...Hang it on the Cross.
Every obstacle to faith or doubt you come across, every prayer unanswered...Hang it on the Cross.
For Christ has borne our brokenness and dearly paid the cost to turn our trial to triumph...Hang it on the Cross.

Blessings,

Round Up

Round Up?

I am not sure what this is but it seems that the girls at TTS do this as a way of getting to know each other better.

What books and/or magazines did I read this month? I have read When My Pretty One Sleeps; read it before but needed something to help me fall asleep; I am reading the Box Car Children series with my son every night; I have read at least 3 scrapbooking magazines from front to back. Do School Books Count??? Yuck! I don't want to list them!!

What movies and/or tv shows did I watch this month? That's tough because I really don't watch T.V. at all during the summer unless it's the weather channell, LOL! And I haven't rented or been to a movie in way to long! Maybe we need to have movie nights now that school has started again!

What special days did I celebrate and how? We celebrated the death of my sister. I know that doesn't sound like a celebration but it truly was! It was one of the best celebrations I have ever been to.

We also celebrated my birthday! We started celebrating on August 31 with my sister Caryn, her family and her Mother, Charlotte. It was a great BBQ and it was very difficult for me to leave. The following day, September 1 we celebrate again but by having a BBQ with my Mom, sister, family and friends at the cabin. This was a little more stressful as we were trying to get the kids fishing and tubing and .... The food was great yet when everyone left, I was ready for bed. Saturday night we celebrated a friends child being born! We had a BBQ and bon fire. Very Relaxing! Sunday the 3rd was my actual birthday and it was perfect! I got my favorite breakfast and I got to go to Micheals and spend all three of my 50% off coupons and then I got to spend the day 4 wheeling with my guys! My mom made dinner and all was good!

What gifts did I give and/or receive? During the celebration of my sister life, I can only hope that I gave what I received...friendship, warmth, love.

As for my Birthday, I received many friends into my home and I was welcomed at their homes. I really couldn't ask for a whole lot more than that.

What illnesses or health concerns did I have? Well I had a complete physical and have been referred to a general surgeon for a "deposit" on my side near my rib cage. He is also going to check out a nasty more under my breast. I will not know anything about any of the xrays or blood work until later today or tomorrow.


What fun things did I do with my friends and/or family? We bought a cabin this past month and have become friends with the neighbors, we have watched sunsets, gone to dinner, sat around a bon fire, roasted marshmellows, gone mini golfing, gone shopping, laughed until the wee hours of the morning!

What new foods, recipes or restaurants did I try this month? I ate at The Cheese Cake Factory in Texas. I had never eaten there before. It was very expensive but very good! We also ate at a little sandwich place that was awesome!!!

What special or unusual purchases did I make? My sister made a resqest that everyone where bright colors to her funeral. We as the family wanted to try to where pink. I could not find anything pink. I found a beautiful white dress at Kohl's bought pink dye at WalMart and yep.... I dyed it pink!!

What were this month's disappointments? My biggest disappointment was not that my sister passed away, but that I didn't have enough time with her!! I feel like I should have been able to get to know her better, yet I am so greatful that God found a way for me to find her when I did. And he gave us 18 months together.

What were my accomplishments this month? I made many, many friends. And my family, my true family extends to Laurette's other sister and her family.

Anything else noteworthy to record? Life is good! Even as difficult as it is, I can look around and see all the good and wonderful things God wants to show me.

Total craft projects: Was I supposed to find time for this? LOL! I complete 3/4 of a layout and 4 cards. I completed a challenge for lunear photography and I took some awesome photos of the sun setting!

As I leave today I still need to give a little word of wisdom. It is an old one that my mother used quite abit but as I look back on the past few weeks, it fits well!!

If you cannot say something nice, keep your mouth shut. If you must utter the words, put food in your mouth first so that no one can understand your hurtful words!!

Blessings,