Wow, I cannot believe that it has been one month today since my sister passed away. It seems like it was just yesterday, yet it seems like ages ago. All at the same time. I am still having a hard time believing she is gone and I am definitely having trouble dealing with the loss. I never thought I would ever go through a situation I couldn't deal with. I dealt with a son who was preemie and went through 9 surgeries before he was one, I went through a divorce, going to school, a breast cancer scare and a cervical cancer scare all at the same time, I dealt with being abused my by father...I have never had the nightmares and uncontrollable tears that I have had with the death of my sister. I know that time heals everything, along with prayer. Every time I start to cry, I remember her faith and courage and it makes me stronger. To this day, her faith in God amazes me. I can remember when she was laying in bed and I asked her if she was worried about Gary (her husband) and Matthew. She said to me that she wasn't worried because God had a plan and He would take care of them.
I can still remember when she basically asked my other sister and I permission to die. We knew her time was coming and coming fast, but we really knew she was ready when she asked us if we would be okay if she died while we were laying with her. Again, she was always thinking about everyone else.
Her sense of humor was wonderful, right up to the very last days. We were feeding her ice chips and we dropped one down her shirt. And one of us said something about her cleavage. She laughed, pulled her shirt up, and said what cleavage. (She had a full mastectomy 7 years ago!)
I guess as I look back on the past month, I have really started the healing process. This blog and every one's love and support has been wonderful. Being able to share with everyone what I am feeling, being given support by comments here and e-mails and making new friends with my sister's friends has helped beyond anything I could ever have imagined.
My thoughts for today are to find the good in everything. Even in death, I can look back and see the laughter. I can look at my son's surgeries and see the strength and courage in myself and in him. Look at your life. Even when things seem there worst, what are you learning. What are you laughing about. If you aren't laughing, find something to laugh about and find someone to laugh with! Life is truly what YOU make it! It is a gift from God! It is wonderful. Live it fully!
Blessings,
2 comments:
Hey Angela! Great to hear from you again. . . Sorry I was lamenting the cold weather. I am actually REJOICING over it!! I was so OVER summer heat.
It rained last night, and we're looking at much cooler temps over the weekend.
Remind me again. . . e-mail me. . .where are you located?
Sounds like you're doing some better after your sister's death. My mom is a Breast Cancer survivor. Almost 13 years. I can keep track easily because she had cancer when Edison was 4 months old. It was a scary time--but victorious in the end!!!
I need to link your blog on mine. . .give me a couple days, and I'll get it done.
{{hugs}}
Angela, you are a counselor in disguise...your life experiences have made you wise, and we all have a lot to learn from you. Whether or not you realize it, you are teaching us all and helping us in various ways to find our faith and how to look at life the way it should be looked at...thank you.
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