Bitter Sweet

Well today was my last day at Livgard Surveying! I worked today and then went to Tyler's baseball game...we needed winter jackets, hats and mittens! No Joke!! It is only 40 degrees with high winds!


Got home from the game and realized that I left my purse at work. I was going to go back on Saturday and clean out all of my stuff but I figured since I had to drive over I might as well clean everything out...well, almost everything! I need to leave some of the AT&T stuff there because I have to have an 'office'. I never understood that because I use a cell phone for business and I go to most of my clients...why do I need an office?? Oh well!


I have been very busy the past few days scrapping and cleaning! I clean when I am angry or nervous. I guess the new job could be a reason for being nervous because I am definitely not angry about anything!

Any way I thought I would share some of my new layouts with you but for some reason my external hard drive has decided that it is not going to play nice until I reboot my computer...and since I really don't want to lose everything I have typed, I will save, reboot and then come back. So if you see this, come back in a few minutes and you will see the layouts I have been working on. LOL!


Okay, here is one that I did using Fabella's Template. The template can be found at Treasures To Scrap in the June template thread! I used Trevors Treasures and really had a fun time with this one!

This one was done with Dawn Inskip's Midnight Diamonds found at Treasures To Scrap. I had never seen an owl before (in the wild) and I was driving down a street in town and this guy was sitting on a 'watch for deer' sign! I got a lot of pictures of him but I didn't like the sign. So I extracted him and made this fun Harry Potter type layout.

I think this one has to be one of my favorites. I just learned how to blend using a great tutorial on Heather Mannings blog (you can click on her link to get to her blog). It is a super easy tutorial and I have had so much fun using it. I used Fabella's kit Gentle Boys found at Treasures To Scrap.

So this is what I have been up to. I will hopefully have more for you about the new job soon! Wish me luck and say a prayer if you can please. I am very nervous!

New, new, new

Whoa! Stop the world and let me off! I cannot believe how fast everything is happening. My dear friend Michele will be moving soon to Omaha!! :( My other friend Karen will be moving to Detroit Lakes!! :( They will be leaving within a few days of each other and I am very sad! I will miss you both very much!!

Tyler is just finishing up 3rd Grade!! Can you believe it? And the summer is already gone! My gosh I just cannot believe it. We have baseball, boy scout camp, bible camp, not to mention a vacation if we can fit one in?!

Last week Tyler got a reward from the Voyageur Area Council (Boy Scouts). He took 8th place in popcorn sale out of over 4,000 boys and in reality he was higher than that because my total was $300.00 higher than theirs. But it really didn't matter in the long run.

Some really good news about Trevor can be found over at TTS and Tracy's blog! He finally got his transplant and so far so good! We continue to pray for him and of course for the families of the donors. It always seems so terrible that someone must die in order for another to live. But I am so thankful that there are donors out there!!! If you are a donor, THANK YOU! If you aren't, WHY???

Next Wednesday will be my last day at the work for the surveying company. I have been offered a position with A. H. Zeppa Foundation and my first day will be June 5. (That is also Tyler's last day of school!!) It will be my first time in over 10 years working 8-5, M-F! Yikes! I am excited to start the job but also very nervous.

Let's see...what else is keeping us busy? We started the plans for the cabin and filled out the paper work for the variance. Once that is approved we will be lifting the cabin, pouring a floor, and adding on, both up and out!

Besides that...not much is going on! ROFL!! I have one week left of my Bible Study!! I know...it should be done by now! Part of me doesn't want to do it because then it will be over and I have enjoyed every second of it; so, maybe that is why I am procrastinating! Beth...Angie...I promise I will get on it!!!

Blessings,

Angela

Sick and sick and tired!

Well let's see...what has been happening here you ask?

April 26th I woke up with a headache to beat all headaches. I thought for sure I was going to end up in the emergency room getting a shot of Imitrex for migraines. My sister and her boyfriend and his 4 children came over to celebrate Tyler's birthday (yes, we celebrate all month...we can never get everyone together at one time!) I was so sick! I finally threw up and felt a little better. They left Tianna (the oldest girl) to spend the night. I felt better so Tianna and I created a digital layout, printed it on an iron-on transfer and the put it on a canvas tote. This was for a challenge that Robin had on her blog (click on Robin's name to see her awesom blog and freebies).

We had alot of fun and each of us won a free kit from Robin! Tianna will be thrilled when I see her next time.

Sunday I woke up and still didn't feel well. My head was spinning and I was dizzy. (Dizzier than normal!!!) My face hurt, my ears hurt, my hair hurt!

Monday I tried to go to work and made it a whole hour and a half. I was hot and then cold and I was sick to my stomach...no way I am going to throw up in a public bathroom!!

Tuesday I stayed home. By Wednesday I in horrible pain. I felt like someone was putting needles in both my ears. I finally relented and went to the doctor. Double ear infections!! Ugh! Antibiotics...and no work on Thursday.

Friday I was finally able to sit up for about 5 hours and work at the computer. Saturday and Sunday were both very slow days. I really lost a lot of strength.

Monday I went back to work...Finally!!!

As you can see I have changed my blog a little bit. This was also a challenge by Robin! (Along with a template and instructions! She is just rockin' her blog. I used a kit by Teraginna from TTS (link to TTS is on my side bar). This kit has some great papers and the elements totally ROCK!!!

I also did two very quick card using this kit.

So in a nut shell...I have been sick and tired and I am sick and tired of being sick. I am trying to catch up on everything and with everyone. So if I have missed you, I am sorry. I am still trying to clean my house, do laundry, catch up at work, catch up with bible study, catch up on forums, catch up...okay you get my drift.

I have missed you all and hope that you will stop by Robin's blog and check it out; if for no other reason than to leave her some love and don't forget to check out the great deals at TTS.

Until next time...I'm Believing God!!

I am stunned!

I said before that I have been participating in a contest at Scrapping With Grace. I cannot believe I made it into Week 3! This week we can do whatever we want! As long as we use at least 75% Cosmo Cricket. I love Cosmo Cricket. The line is awesome!! However, I am having a major block right now. I have the photo; I have the papers; I just can't seem to find a title or the BLING that I need to make it ROCK!! Yikes!

On another note (still stunned), I just finished week 3 in the Believing God Beth Moore Bible study. I cannot believe that I am still doing the study. I have started studies before but normally after about two or three days, something else comes up and I get detoured. This one is different! I really like the fact that one of the things she asks us to do is to not just believe what she is saying or any other earthly teacher. But to go to the Bible and open our hearts and read what our heavenly teacher has to say. If we do this with an open heart, we will hear what He has to say to us.

I also like the fact that with the online study, I have access to the KVG with strongs. Basically that means that I can look up english words and find out what they mean in Greek or Hebrew and what the word meant when it was orginally written. It really, really changes how I interpret what I read.

Other than that, my stunning miracle of the day today is that my Ex called and was polite! We had a very nice conversation. I am always so happy when we can get along. I wish that we could just be friends but most of the time he tells me a can't stand even talking with me.

Well that's it for today.

Blessings,

Lost more than an hour!

With the time change here last Sunday, I have been so tired. I more than made up for the one hour loss. I went home on Monday at noon and slept about 20 hours. My body must have been fighting something. I still have a scratchy throat, my ears are plugged but other than that I feel pretty good.

Bible study has been going great! I haven't been able to get to the Blue Braclet group and share a whole lot. I slept and then I spent time with Tyler and then I slept ... Between Bible study and keeping up with house chores and then there is this scrapbooking stuff (more on that in a minute) and losing that hour...there is not enough time in the day.

On Tuesday late afternoon I got an e-mail that really bummed me out. TTS had to let go of the entire Paper Team (I was on that team.). It was not something that she wanted to do but it happened anyway. So as of March 31st, I will not longer be on a Creative team. I will still be a part of TTS as a member as the community is awesome! If you haven't stopped by, GET ON OVER THERE!!!

I have also been participating in a contest at Scrapping With Grace. (I originally went to the site because I thought that it might be about Inspirational scrapbooking.) Anyways, there was a contest just starting called The Last Scrapper Standing. It is fun but man, oh, man the gals I am competing with are AWESOME!!! I am pretty sure I will be bumped on Monday.

On the home front, Yikes!!! Tuesday Tyler's teacher called me and told me that Tyler was NOT having a very good day. He intentionally tripped a boy, the boy fell and hit his head on a desk, Tyler got mad at himself, went to his desk and shredded a notebook and to make matters worse he stuffed food down a girls snow pants at lunch. Could I please come to the school and talk with him and the school counselor. UGH!!! Well it really wasn't as bad as the teacher made it sound. After talking with the room aide (Tyler's teacher wasn't in the room when the tripping took place.) who was standing right next to Tyler, Tyler did NOT intentionally trip the boy. Tyler and a group of kids where playing with some items while sitting on the floor. One of the boys was taking what the kids where playing with. When this boy came back to take more stuff, Tyler tried to stop him by grabbing his ankle, when Tyler let go of his ankle, the boy tripped over a box. He did not hit his head on anything!! Tyler did get upset and tried to tear up his notebook. And the stuffing food down the girls snowpants was nothing more than one french fry!! Okay, so he had a rough day. But it wasn't as bad as the teacher made it out to be. Tyler was put to bed early (being as he was up until after 10:00 Monday night and after 12:30 on Saturday night (I don't like that his dad lets him do that!!))

Oh well, that is life here! I am hoping to give my blog a makeover today but we will see if I get it accomplished!

Blessings,

Readings...

Today I started an online Bible Study - Beth Moore's Believing God. I have never followed through with a Bible Study from beginning to end. I am hoping to be a little more motivated this time. Maybe the timing is 'Right'. I am hoping to day to carry you with me on this 10 week journey. I am not good at blogging on a daily basis but I have set up my 'area' near the computer. I am not going to get deeply into Beth Moore's message as that is something you truly have to see and hear! It is wonderful and well worth the visit. I am in awe of her ability to speak and to convey a message to so many and have it so that all understand.

What I am going to try and do is to write about something that 'popped' out at me during my studies.

Today it was
Ephesians 1:16
I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Something so simple yet has so much meaning to me. I pray everyday for my biological father. I give thanks that I learned so much from him. I learned how I did not want to be which is just as important as learning how you want to be.

It seems that circumstances motivate us to pray...trouble, sickness, distress, stress, crisis. It is sad that there are so many negative things that cause us to pray. Isn't it true that we often turn in a kind of 'list' to God? I want this, I want that, Lord will you do this, Lord will you do that? I think He would appreciate thanksgiving regularly, not just once a year.

And did you know that 'remembering you in my prayers' actually means to mention someone by name in your prayers. Not just a general mentioning. The research I am finding is quite interesting.

When Paul wrote Ephesians and made the above statement he was not asking for material things, he was asking for spiritual blessings. Asking the Spirit of God to reveal Christ to my soul and open the Word to my heart. One can be very brilliant yet there is no guarentee that there will be an understanding of spiritual truth. Scripture puts more emphasis on the understanding of the heart than of the head.

We are not alone! We have the Spirit in us and we have the protection of the full armor of God. It's up to us to use what we've been given.

Open my eyes,Lord
I want to see Jesus.
To reach out and touch Him
To show Him I love Him
Open my ears,Lord
And help me to listen
Open my eyes, Lord
I want to see Jesus

Blessings,

If God didn't have a purpose for us, we wouldn't be here!

Wow! What a powerful statement!

I have been talking with friends online and face to face, who are like me and going through some sort of difficult time. I think of the trouble I have in my life and then I think of the trouble that other's have...I really can't complain a whole lot!! I am healthy, I have a roof over my head, I have a job, I have a wonderful, healthy son, I have a great boyfriend who thinks the world of me and I have the best friends in the world. Really!

Last week after reading my post my friend Anne gave me some AWESOME words:

Sometimes it isn't really the loss of a relationship that hurts and saddens us so much, but the loss of the dream and hope of what the relationship could have been (or more to the point, what it should have been).

Oh how those words hit home! The words had healing powers. I have been so fortunate to have friends who listen, care, and send wonderful words of wisdom. I have always hoped that I too could be a friend like that. Give words of comfort, listen and be a true friend when needed most.

I have a friend who gave me a cd called Out Of Breath by Go Fish. If you haven't heard it, find it. If you find it, buy it. You will not be disappointed. It is an awesome Christian acapella group. One of mine and Tyler's favorite songs is 'Your My Little Girl'. This song also has healing powers so much so that I listen to it daily!

Here are the word. Read them carefully!

The ones you love they let you down
And I want you to know that I¹m sorry
The choices that they made were wrong
You were caught in the middle and I¹m sorry

So when the anger and the pain
Get the best of you
I know it seems like you¹re all alone
But I am feeling it too

Chorus
'Cuz you're my little girl
You¹re the one that I created
No one in this world could ever be like you
When you're cryin' in the night
All you need to do is call me
I¹ll be there for you
'Cuz you¹re my little girl

vs. 2
When you're lookin in the mirror
I hope you're likin' what you see
Because no matter what you're feelin'
You're perfect to me

Because I see you as a child
Blameless in my sight
Just spend some time with me
And I¹ll make everything alright

Chorus

Bridge

I know you don't deserve what you've been through
I know it doesn't seem fair
I know that there are times you think you're alone
But you've got to know that I will be there, be there

Chorus

The same group did a remake of this song but the first one is definetly better than the second.

I just wanted to take today and thank my friends, my online friends as well as my local friends. Sometime I don't understand but I do know that God has a purpose for me; He will always be there for me...all I have to do is open the door and let Him lead me in!

Blessings,

If you don't try, you've already failed!

Back in January I told you about a layout I had to do about ME! If you go back and read it, you will learn that I almost didn't do it; if I hadn't done it, I wouldn't be on the CT at TTS. It just goes to show that if you put your mind to something, you can succeed and if you don't try, you've already failed!!

I am trying very hard to be an optimist...so with out further ado...here is the layout that I posted for the AAM requirement.

Journaling Reads:

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name

would care to know my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star would choose to light the way for my ever wondering heart.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calms the sea would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I’m calling, Lord; you catch me when I’m falling. And you told me who I am…I am yours.

Not because of who I am but because of what you’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done but because of who you are.

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

‘Cuz I am yours.

I am yours.

Casting Crowns

Blessings,

I am...

exactly where I am supposed to be.

Have you ever been so depressed about so many things and then either read something, feel something and/or hear something and realize that no matter what is happening it is happening for a reason and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be!!!

Right around Christmas I started to talk to my biological father again. When I got a divorce, he basically disowned me...there is more to it than that but again that is another story. After a week of really trying hard to make an effort to call him and talk with him and work through our problems, he, out of the blue, tells me that he doesn't think that this will work...basically I was told that it was not worth the effort. I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. Those of you who know me know the history and all the abuse (physical, mental and emotional) that my mother, my sister and I took from my biological father. When my mom decided she wanted a divorce I was thrilled!!! No more beatings, no more shot guns, no more being thrown down flights of stairs or having glass shards thrown at me... Fast forward to age 23...He had quit drinking and been sober for 5 years. We started a very delicate relationship but it grew and we became friends. Anyways, I have spent 20 years letting this man slowly come back into my life. When my marriage fell apart, my biological father decided that I was not worth the effort. I was truly devastated. I have been carrying this around for almost three years. At Christmas, I tried again. I really thought that maybe we could become friends again. Guess not!! I didn't get as upset about this as I have in the past but it did/does eat at me now and again.

A few days ago, I was looking through the gallery at TTS and came upon a layout by Nancy P. It's a great layout with a quote that is fabulous...I have learned to love enough to let go! I know that I will never live up to my biological father's expectation...I love him, I will always love him...but I need to let him go! Thank you Nancy for helping me realize that I NEED to let go!

Tonight while watching SnowBuddies with my son I heard another wonderful quote...I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I have to trust that the Lord has something in mind with all of this and that He has put me exactly where I am supposed to be...I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I don't have to understand it...I just need to trust him!!!

Thanks to everyone who has supported me through this...thanks for listening, thanks for holding me, thanks for advise, plane and simple THANKS!!! (Don't think that this is the end of it as I know it will rear it's ugly little head again) But I know that I can always count on all of you to be there holding me up through the whole ordeal!

Blessings,

Vista

The past few days have been crazy to say the least. My laptop finally kicked the bucket. It works but is very slow and after about 10 minutes starts to 'clunk'. It is 8 years old. It has been used very well. I have been looking for a new computer for about a month. I wanted to stay with XP but it seems that it is only available for business (special build) and is VERY expensive. Unless of course you are able to build it yourself...I can't. So it took about a month to convince me that my only choice was either Mac or Vista and I have too many programs that won't ever run on Mac. So it was Vista. That choice being made, I needed to decide what kind of processor. I knew I wanted something that could multi-task and was very fast. Ok, Quad Core was the only choice. Now researching whick Quad Core - Intel or AMD. It didn't take me long to figure out the Intel was the answer. After reading a lot of the chat rooms, even AMD people where disappointed with the AMD processor. It used to much electricity (my hair dryer on low for the whole day!) and it was very loud! The rest was much easier...Vista only reads up to 3GB of memory so there was no sense paying for any more. I already had the 500 GB external HD so anything with 500 or higher was more than enough.

I looked at Circuit City, Best Buy, Sam's Club, on-line...Well being as I am an instant gratification girl and the price difference was zero...I ended up at Best Buy. I purchased an HP Intel Core Quad Core, 3GB Memory, 720 GB Hard Drive computer. I also got a 24" LCD Flat Panel, High Definition, Widescreen monitor! It rotates from widescreen being side to side to widescreen being up and down so that I can turn it for the photos that I take sideways. WhooHoo!!!

I also ordered my wide format Epson printer!!! I am so excited. It should be here on Tuesday!

I paid for Best Buy's Geek Squad to 'optimize' the computer, basically to take off all the trials, the anti-virus software, the infommercials...all the crap that shouldn't be on there in the first place.

Got home - still Thursday night...put everything together. Monitor doesn't work. By this time it is close to 10:00 pm. Called HP...someone was actually in customer support and they walked me through everything. By this time I am exhausted so off to bed. I have Friday off from work so I can finish setting the computer up AND get my layouts done for TTS.

Friday morning... computer won't let me on to GMAIL, won't let me post to TTS and when I tried to install my anti-virus, I was informed that there was already an anti-virus program on the computer. I looked for Norton's in the uninstall portion of the computer and sure enough, there it was! I hit uninstall and was informed that I needed to reinstall Norton's before I could uninstall! I called the Geek Squad and was told to bring the computer in and they would uninstall Norton's correctly AND refund my 'optimization' charge. I didn't have time for this couldn't they just walk me through it. Nope. I also talked to them about GMAIL. They said it was something to do with the computer registry and that I could really mess things up if I tried to fix it. UGH!!!!

Off to Best Buy, they couldn't get Norton's to uninstall either. Finally after 2 hours they got it to uninstall. During this time, they have power cycled the computer so many times that I noticed that my old laptop booted up faster than this new computer. I asked them if it should be that slow. The 'big' Geek Squad guy is rolling his eyes at me by this time but humors me by timing the boot up process. 2 minutes go by and he finally tells one of his guys to just go get me a new $%^& computer. Okay...now another hour to optimize AGAIN!! I finally got back home 5 hours later.

Now I have come to learn a few things about Vista...it's not as bad as everyone says, if you want to install something and it won't let you, shut off the firewall, I love that I can listen to FM radio, I love that I can watch DVD,s, listen to CD,s and set it up to watch satellite TV, all with my new surround sound. I can record up to two weeks of any tv program I want and burn it to DVD. I can set up a user for Tyler and he can only go onto the internet sites that I put under his user!

I can see the screen from across the room and with the wireless keyboard and mouse I can scrap and surf at the same time. I also have a remote for the TV, internet, music...so I can mute instantly.

So, all in all even though it was orignally a pain in the butt. I am happy with my purchase. (I do still have the XP system up and running right now but eventually I will convert everything to this system.

So now I had better get my butt moving on those layouts for TTS. By the way, if you haven't read their newletter...go take a look at it. It has some great layouts.

http://digistore.treasurestoscrap.com/newsletter/feb2008.pdf

They also have a new blog. Check out the challenges and ideas there too!

http://treasurestoscrap.blogspot.com/

I am working with some of the awesome supplies from ScrapWorks today and will hopefully have a layout to share with you later today or tomorrow.

Blessings,

Angela

Creative Team

I am a little behind the times on my blog. Things here have been...beyond busy to say the least. Christmas was wonderful! As close to perfect as you can get. It was low key...no rushing, no hustle and bustle. It truly way a wonderful holiday. The only down side was Dan had to work because of the snow. But look at the bright side...the overtime paid for Christmas and he was still here on Christmas eve and Christmas day! He even made it home for dinner on Christmas eve eve.

Then of course there was New Years! We celebrated at home with two other couples. We played Tyler's Wii and had a wonderful time. A few too many jello shots (if that's possible) but it was great. The only down side was that my friend Michele confirmed that she and her family where relocating to Nebraska. I will miss her very much.

New Years day we went to CrossLake and visited Caryn and her family and of course my wonderful Nephew Matthew. We had a great time...so much so that we decided to go back on Saturday and spend the day and night and Sunday. We had so much fun. We went bowling with the kids and then had pizzas. Then the adults played a few games and the kids watched movies. It was hard to leave on Sunday.

The 8th of January brought us the cub scout Pinewood Derby! We didn't even start the darn car until Thursday the 3rd! Yikes! But all was good. Tyler took four 1st places and was awarded the first place trophy in his division! I think next year we will wait until the last minute again. Seemed to work pretty good.

Back on January 2, my favorite site sent out a call for a Creative Team. All they asked for was a link to my gallery, my name and little things like that. I thought...I can do this. It will get me scrapping again on more of a schedule and it's something I love to do and I LOVE the site. So I sent in my applications. On January 7 they sent the zinger...we had to do a layout about ourselves. You all know me...I do not scrap myself. I just can't! I was very upset about this and told Dan I was going to withdraw my application. He was very quiet for a long time. I finally asked him what was wrong and he told me he was disappointed in me. I was giving up before I even tried! I told him I would sleep on it. The next morning I had an idea...I did the layout...I wasn't happy with it but it was done. At this point even if I didn't get a position of the Creative Team, I was happy with myself...I had done something I didn't think I could do.

Well this morning they announced the new Creative Team...Guess what???? I MADE IT!!!! I am so happy! and overwhelmed and scared and...

You know me if there is something to worry about...I will do it. And if there is nothing to worry about...I will find something to worry about.

This is a new beginning for me. I have been on a Creative Team before but I knew the person who was the coordinator (again my wonderful friend Michele). This one I did all on my own!

Wish me luck and check back often...they are always having some sort of a contest and I would love to see my friends on the site!!

Blessings,

I made a promise...

As most of you know, my sister passed away from Breast Cancer this past August. A battle she fought to the very end. A few days ago a friend of mine was diagnosed with a very rare form of Breast Cancer call IBC (Inflammitory Breast Cancer). It is not a lump! It does not look or react like normal Breast Cancer as we think of it. It is very hard to diagnose and most of the time by the time it is diagnosed, it is so far advanced that it is NOT treatable! My promise to her, to my sister's memory and to all who have gone before them is this...Inform!!

Please, listen to this pod cast: http://www.mayoclinic.org/rss/cancer-podcast.xml
You will need to download it to your computer and then listen to it.
Again,inflammatory breast cancer is rare - representing just 1-5% of all breast cancers diagnosed. Unlike other breast cancers that present as a lump, inflammatory breast cancer is a more diffuse disease that spreads throughout the breast tissue. Because the symptoms are ambiguous, women with IBC are more likely than other women with breast cancer to be misdiagnosed, and ultimately diagnosed after the disease has metastasized.

Please log on for specific symptoms of IBC to http://www.mdanderson.org/diseases/breastcancer/display.cfm?id=39c2c5ae-a411-49e9-875855cb37b6c999&method=displayfull

Please feel free to copy, paste and redistribute any or all of this to friends and family. It is so important that woman become informed of this type of breast cancer!!

Blessings,

Okay, Okay...

I keep saying I will get to my blog and I never do. So today I am going to take two minutes and tell you how busy I have been. Of course, if I wasn't busy...I would have had time to update my blog!!!!





Put a roof on my house and garage the last weekend in September. All of you who know me well know that I am afraid of heights so this was a HUGE accomplishment for me!! I worked on the house from 9:00 in the morning to 10:00 at night. When I couldn't tell where the house ended and the dark began...it was time to get off!! We finished the house about 15 minutes before that rain started. And it rained for 3 weeks...almost constant.





Let's see...we have a new addition to the family. I finally got my bird!! I had birds when I was younger and love them. I wanted one when I was married but couldn't have one! Guess what...I have one now!! He is beautiful! (We are guessing on the sex.) His name is Keeter and he is the most loving Green Cheeked Conure. He may talk...he may not...don't care on way or the other. He is so much fun. As a family we have spent more time sitting in the living room talking and playing with the bird than we have ever done in the past.





School...Tyler had his parent/teacher conference this week. My ex actually showed up to this one. Surprise, surprise...(shouldn't say that but hey...it's my blog!!) Tyler is doing great! He has high scores on everything (90's and higher) except nouns, proper nouns and pronouns. However, he says that everyone was having problems. We will work on it. He has gotten 100% on his spelling words. I went back and over the past 3 years, he has only gotten a total of 3 wrong!! Now his mouthy attitude has a lot to be desired!! He definitely has his father's temper!! Even at the conference the teacher noticed that my ex was a very angry person! Too funny! Any ideas on how to help an 8 year old learn how to control his temper??? I am open for suggestions!






I have been helping with Cub Scouts quite a bit and doing school PTO fund raisers. I have also been doing a little bit of scrapbooking. I have even tried a digital page. I used one of Mad Scrapper Designs (Robin B). You can find her wonderful designs at

http://www.treasurestoscrap.com/digistore/index.php?main_page=index&manufacturers_id=14&zenid=rdoq2au7642hkoeqkippqr9qv4












I also completed a layout that I have been dreaming about for over a year. I loved these photos of Tyler when he was younger. I just couldn't find the right papers. As soon as I saw these papers, I knew they were for this layout.



Other than that...I have started my Christmas shopping and am very excited about Christmas this year. I seem to be more at peace with myself and who I am than I have been in years. I miss my sister but know that she is happy were she is. Again, she is with the Lord! What a wonderful place for her to celebrate Christmas...can you even imagine what kind of a birthday party they have in heaven...have you ever even thought about it...well, as you think about it, you will find that peace I am talking about...the true meaning of Christmas!

Blessings,

Healing

This weekend went by so fast! Tyler and I spent most of Saturday afternoon relaxing. I completed the layout that I was doing as a tribute to my sister. I am very happy with it. I am not so happy with my scanner but cannot replace it right now; so I have to settle with it cutting off the top of everything...No matter how I scan it or stitch it!! As I finished this layout I felt a warm fuzzy feeling come over me. I felt as if something lifted off of me! It has been such a wonderful feeling! I feel more at ease, more comforted, more...? full of life? I cannot put my finger on it but it feels good.










After that I created 4 small brag books for children battling cancer. I really accomplished a lot.

We then spent the evenings, both Saturday and Sunday, sitting around the camp fire at the cabin, roasting marshmellows and watching the sun set! What an awesome sun set. The stars where unbelievable! I can't wait to see the Northern Lights from the cabin this fall! I know they will be spectacular.

As I close today, I wonder about the 'things' we hand on to for too long. Anger...Worry... Hurt...Pain...and even some Memories. Isn't life much better when we can just let go?

I feel more at peace than I have in a long time. What can you let go of? Give it to God! He will take care of you.

Blessings,

Middle of September?

Yesterday would have been my sister's 48th birthday. I thought I would have a really tough time with this day so I took it off from work and pampered myself. I went and got my hair highlighted and styled. I went shopping. I had a sinful pretzel from Starbuck's. I spent almost the whole day on myself. Then I decided we were going to have a birthday party for my sister. We had a special dinner; all of our favorites...marinated steak, fried mushrooms and onions, bacon wrapped scallops, baby glazed carrots, baked potatoes with butter and salt on the skins, fresh bread buttered both sides and toasted in the oven and of course dessert, raspberry cow tracks ice cream. Absolutely nothing that was healthy for us but yummmmyy! Then we had movie night; we watched something silly and funny...Country Bears! It was so much fun and relaxing. The whole day was very good...just as it should have been. A celebration of her life.Where does the time go?? I cannot believe it is the middle of September. Sheesh! If life keeps going at this speed, I won't have time to do all the things I want to accomplish!!

Where does the time go?? I cannot believe it is the middle of September. Sheesh! If life keeps going at this speed, I won't have time to do all the things I want to accomplish!!

Today I got up and snuggled with Tyler for about 1/2 hour. I love to do this and he told me this morning that he loved snuggling with Mom she's the best snuggler in the world! LOL! Of course after about 1/2 hour, cartoons became his main focus. T.V. is normally a NO! in this house but I had brought some work home and needed time to get it done so Pokemon here we come! This Pokemon thing is an obsession with him! He has games, movies, shows, cards...I just don't ever remember having an addiction like this one at the age of 8. He eats, sleeps and breathes Pokemon. I keep this very limited too!

It is very cold here the past few days. We are dropping into the 20's at night. Hard frost at night. Even the plants close to house froze!!! Winter is coming fast! We had snow flurries yesterday morning. Yikes!!

I love the fall but this year it went from daytime temps of 90's to 40's, overnight. What happened to the nice 50's to 70's. The walking in the woods and smelling Autumn. We don't even have any colors this year. It is very strange.

Today I am taking the air conditioners out and putting them away! I am also hoping to get to an outdoor craft show but it is almost too cold. Not just cold but windy!!

School is going great! Tyler had an awesome week! No trouble at all!! It's a miracle!!! No, not really; it's the difference between a poor teacher and an excellent teacher!! He has a great teacher this year! I even got the phone call! You know the one. You hold your breath and wonder when the bomb is going to fall?? But it didn't. He said Tyler was doing excellent! WhooHoo!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to be remembered for? My goal is to wake up every morning and be excited because life is going by sooo fast and ...

Today IS the first day of the rest of my life, let me please make the most of it!!

One Month

Wow, I cannot believe that it has been one month today since my sister passed away. It seems like it was just yesterday, yet it seems like ages ago. All at the same time. I am still having a hard time believing she is gone and I am definitely having trouble dealing with the loss. I never thought I would ever go through a situation I couldn't deal with. I dealt with a son who was preemie and went through 9 surgeries before he was one, I went through a divorce, going to school, a breast cancer scare and a cervical cancer scare all at the same time, I dealt with being abused my by father...I have never had the nightmares and uncontrollable tears that I have had with the death of my sister. I know that time heals everything, along with prayer. Every time I start to cry, I remember her faith and courage and it makes me stronger. To this day, her faith in God amazes me. I can remember when she was laying in bed and I asked her if she was worried about Gary (her husband) and Matthew. She said to me that she wasn't worried because God had a plan and He would take care of them.

I can still remember when she basically asked my other sister and I permission to die. We knew her time was coming and coming fast, but we really knew she was ready when she asked us if we would be okay if she died while we were laying with her. Again, she was always thinking about everyone else.

Her sense of humor was wonderful, right up to the very last days. We were feeding her ice chips and we dropped one down her shirt. And one of us said something about her cleavage. She laughed, pulled her shirt up, and said what cleavage. (She had a full mastectomy 7 years ago!)

I guess as I look back on the past month, I have really started the healing process. This blog and every one's love and support has been wonderful. Being able to share with everyone what I am feeling, being given support by comments here and e-mails and making new friends with my sister's friends has helped beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

My thoughts for today are to find the good in everything. Even in death, I can look back and see the laughter. I can look at my son's surgeries and see the strength and courage in myself and in him. Look at your life. Even when things seem there worst, what are you learning. What are you laughing about. If you aren't laughing, find something to laugh about and find someone to laugh with! Life is truly what YOU make it! It is a gift from God! It is wonderful. Live it fully!

Blessings,

Hang it on the cross!

Wow! What a week! Tyler started school on Wednesday. We had a meet and greet with his teacher on Tuesday night and I set up a meeting for Wednesday morning at 8:30. I needed to talk with him about my ex and his lack of enthusiasm for school and refusal to help Tyler with homework. This tends to make life difficult because my ex has Tyler on Monday and Wednesdays and every other weekend. Don't get me wrong. My ex is all in all a pretty good guy (for an ex) but he hated school growing up and I think the homework and spelling words intimidate him. My ex is also a very selfish person. He bowls on Monday nights and golfs on Wednesday night. See a pattern here?? LOL! Anyways, the meeting went very good. The teacher seems great and very helpful.

Tyler didn't even make it through the first day of third grade without being sent to the time out room (place they have to spend recess). He was disrespectful to the teacher. Set him straight! He told me that this third grade stuff is much stricter than second grade. I told him he needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. He agreed and the rest of the week went without a problem! I even got a call from the teacher last night telling me Tyler was doing 'excellent'. Only the one minor problem. Let's pray that this continues.

Today I had out patient surgery. They removed a small nasty looking mole and two huge 'deposits' from right side rib cage. They took out two very large (green grape size) deposits. I ended up with 14 stitches. Sheesh it hurts to even move!! They sent it in to the pathologist and I should have results back by Tuesday! After everything with my sister, I am a nervous wreck! I am not sleeping, anything I eat definitely does not digest correctly, I am a walking zombie.

Yet, as I turn to God and try to do as my sister did 'put it in God's hands', I seem to find a little bit of peace. My regular doctor says that a break down is coming and it is normal. I am so grateful that I 'know' the Lord. Can you imagine the people who do not know they are in His hands, that He is all knowing, all comforting. That He has a plan. I know that I am scared but I also know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that He will not carry me through! Our God is an awesome God!

Things to ponder: Have you put your faith in Him? I mean really put your faith in Him? There is nothing, NOTHING, that you need to worry about! Hang it on the Cross! It reminds me of something I memorized a long time ago. I do not know who wrote it but it is so true:

If you have a secret sorrow, a burden or a loss, an aching need for healing...Hang it on the Cross.
If worry steals your sleep and makes you turn and toss, if your heart is feeling heavy...Hang it on the Cross.
Every obstacle to faith or doubt you come across, every prayer unanswered...Hang it on the Cross.
For Christ has borne our brokenness and dearly paid the cost to turn our trial to triumph...Hang it on the Cross.

Blessings,

Round Up

Round Up?

I am not sure what this is but it seems that the girls at TTS do this as a way of getting to know each other better.

What books and/or magazines did I read this month? I have read When My Pretty One Sleeps; read it before but needed something to help me fall asleep; I am reading the Box Car Children series with my son every night; I have read at least 3 scrapbooking magazines from front to back. Do School Books Count??? Yuck! I don't want to list them!!

What movies and/or tv shows did I watch this month? That's tough because I really don't watch T.V. at all during the summer unless it's the weather channell, LOL! And I haven't rented or been to a movie in way to long! Maybe we need to have movie nights now that school has started again!

What special days did I celebrate and how? We celebrated the death of my sister. I know that doesn't sound like a celebration but it truly was! It was one of the best celebrations I have ever been to.

We also celebrated my birthday! We started celebrating on August 31 with my sister Caryn, her family and her Mother, Charlotte. It was a great BBQ and it was very difficult for me to leave. The following day, September 1 we celebrate again but by having a BBQ with my Mom, sister, family and friends at the cabin. This was a little more stressful as we were trying to get the kids fishing and tubing and .... The food was great yet when everyone left, I was ready for bed. Saturday night we celebrated a friends child being born! We had a BBQ and bon fire. Very Relaxing! Sunday the 3rd was my actual birthday and it was perfect! I got my favorite breakfast and I got to go to Micheals and spend all three of my 50% off coupons and then I got to spend the day 4 wheeling with my guys! My mom made dinner and all was good!

What gifts did I give and/or receive? During the celebration of my sister life, I can only hope that I gave what I received...friendship, warmth, love.

As for my Birthday, I received many friends into my home and I was welcomed at their homes. I really couldn't ask for a whole lot more than that.

What illnesses or health concerns did I have? Well I had a complete physical and have been referred to a general surgeon for a "deposit" on my side near my rib cage. He is also going to check out a nasty more under my breast. I will not know anything about any of the xrays or blood work until later today or tomorrow.


What fun things did I do with my friends and/or family? We bought a cabin this past month and have become friends with the neighbors, we have watched sunsets, gone to dinner, sat around a bon fire, roasted marshmellows, gone mini golfing, gone shopping, laughed until the wee hours of the morning!

What new foods, recipes or restaurants did I try this month? I ate at The Cheese Cake Factory in Texas. I had never eaten there before. It was very expensive but very good! We also ate at a little sandwich place that was awesome!!!

What special or unusual purchases did I make? My sister made a resqest that everyone where bright colors to her funeral. We as the family wanted to try to where pink. I could not find anything pink. I found a beautiful white dress at Kohl's bought pink dye at WalMart and yep.... I dyed it pink!!

What were this month's disappointments? My biggest disappointment was not that my sister passed away, but that I didn't have enough time with her!! I feel like I should have been able to get to know her better, yet I am so greatful that God found a way for me to find her when I did. And he gave us 18 months together.

What were my accomplishments this month? I made many, many friends. And my family, my true family extends to Laurette's other sister and her family.

Anything else noteworthy to record? Life is good! Even as difficult as it is, I can look around and see all the good and wonderful things God wants to show me.

Total craft projects: Was I supposed to find time for this? LOL! I complete 3/4 of a layout and 4 cards. I completed a challenge for lunear photography and I took some awesome photos of the sun setting!

As I leave today I still need to give a little word of wisdom. It is an old one that my mother used quite abit but as I look back on the past few weeks, it fits well!!

If you cannot say something nice, keep your mouth shut. If you must utter the words, put food in your mouth first so that no one can understand your hurtful words!!

Blessings,

My Loving Nephew!

Matthew is my sister’s 8-year-old son. He is a beautiful, magical, enthusiastic, charming little boy. He is warm, funny, and intelligent and will bring a new perspective to everyone who will allow him to touch their life. Why would you not allow a little boy like this in your life? Because you might be afraid, because he’s different, because he has Down’ Syndrome. If you choose to look beyond this, you will find that he is truly God’s miracle. I have met many children of this age. I have a son who is 6 months older than Matthew. There is very little that my son can do that Matthew cannot!! Matthew can read (even words as big as penicillin), he can write (his penmanship is sloppy but so are most guys I know!), he knows how to add and subtract. He is truly no different than my own son. With one exception, he is innocent! He is pure! He does not understand conditional love or anything like it. Oh, how I wish at times that I could bring back the days that my son was innocent, when he didn’t understand the nastiness of life. If you have ever judged someone who has Down’s Syndrome, SHAME on you!! I am so fortunate to have met Matthew and to know him. He brought laughter (and tears) to a very difficult time in all of our lives.

I can remember my sister lying in bed just a few days before she left to be with the Lord. She says, “Matthew’s goal in life is to make people laugh. He is always trying to clown around and be the jokester.” Matthew is so full of life and smiles and happiness. It amazes me.

My sister went to be with the Lord at 3:55 am on Monday, August 13, 2007. Matthew was still asleep when the funeral home came to pick up the body. When Matthew woke up, his Dad decided that we should try and have as normal of a day as possible and wanted to go out for breakfast. As we all got in the car, Matthew stated that he had forgotten to say goodbye to Mommy. Matthew’s Dad reminded Matthew about the conversation they had been having about Mommy going to heaven. Matthew said that he remembered. Daddy said, ‘ well, Mommy went to heaven this morning.’ Matthew was fine with this and we all thought, ‘well maybe he didn’t quite understand’. At breakfast I asked Matthew is he would like to start the Morning Prayer. He stated that he wanted to do it all by himself. “Dear God… Thank you for taking Mommy to heaven. I know that she can see the birds and the trees all blooming. I am glad she is with you. Amen!”

We were all crying and had a very hard time swallowing breakfast. He, in his own way, had understood!

On Tuesday, we had what we call up north ‘the wake’. In Texas, they have a nicer label. It is called, ‘visitation of friends’. Isn’t that beautiful? Matthew’s Dad had decided on an open casket. I can honestly say that though I never said anything I disagreed! I was soooo very wrong! Very, very wrong! Matthew needed to see his Mommy and understand that she wasn’t going to wake up. I was told a story once when my Aunt passed away. The pastor told us that a body is like a candy bar. It comes with this nice wrapper on the outside to keep it safe until you ate it. The wrapper was on the outside but the really, really good stuff was on the inside. Well our body is just the wrapper! It is to keep us safe until God comes to get the really, really good stuff, the stuff on the inside.
When Matthew saw his Mommy and tried to wake her, we all cried! Matthew shook her and broke down. Matthew’s Daddy took him into the chapel in the next room. I could here the conversation from where I was. Daddy – “Matthew, I told you Mommy went to heaven. Just the wrapping is here.” Matthew –“When is Mommy coming back from heaven.” Daddy – “Mommy isn’t coming back from heaven. She is going to live with God now.” Matthew – “What is heaven like?” Daddy – “Oh, heaven is everything you can ever imagine. It is this beautiful place that has everything you could ever want or need!” Matthew – “Oh, it’s just like Chuck E. Cheese!”

Matthew my lovable, kind, wonderful nephew. There are so many moments like this when you brought a smile or laughter to those around you. You are truly an amazing, gifted little boy.

As I close today, here are the thoughts I want you to ponder upon. Have you ever judged someone by how they looked, dirty clothes, some sort of disfigurement, smelly, speeding, passing you unsafely? Is your child starting to judge classmates because they wear glasses or can’t afford the clothes that some can afford? Do you know their circumstances? Did you try to get to know them? Maybe that person who flew by you this morning on the shoulder of the highway was late for work…but maybe, just maybe they had just gotten a call from a family member who was injured or hurt? Whenever you find yourself judging someone else, remember, there may be a very nice person under those dirty clothes? Or maybe, there is a precious, loving child who we would LOVE to be a part of.
Blessings,

Priorities

My son, who is now 8, still comes to me every night and asks me to 'snuggle' with him! I normally say, 'Oh, Tyler! I have clothes to fold, dishes to do, bills to pay and I am tired. I need to get these things done so that I can get to sleep. We will snuggle in the morning!' I hear, 'Oh, Mom! Just for a couple of minutes...Pleeeease!!' I go and snuggle for two minutes. I know it's two minutes because I time it!! Then I am up and off to get my chores done. Morning comes and I want to snuggle and he wants to watch cartoons!

As I was thinking this morning about how fast he is growing and how busy life is, I decided that from now on, no matter what, I am going to snuggle. At some point in his life, he is going to tell me, 'Mom I am way to old for you to snuggle with me'! He is not going to want to kiss and hug and snuggle and sit on my lap and all of those wonderful things we take for granted right now.

A few years ago, I received an e-mail about priorities. I was young! Death was a looooonnnngg way aways, right! I liked the e-mail so I did save it. I thought what it said was very true but I had a long time to get my priorities set. Right? Today, my wonderful boyfriend happened to forward me the exact same e-mail I was just thinking about. Most of you have probably seen it or read it before. I had originally heard that Paul Harvey had read it over the air but everytime I see the e-mail something changes but for the most part it is the same. I do not know who created it and cannot give credit to them.




3900 Saturdays!

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time.

Let me tell you about it: I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's "dance recital" he continued.

"Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. "Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays."

"I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.""Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about.

I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles.

Being with my sister when she passed away has brought a whole new meaning to life and priorities for me. Tonight and every night I am going to make the effort to snuggle as long as my son wants because someday soon the snuggling will stop. If my house is dirty, who cares! It is more important to me to spend time with my son than to have a clean house. When I am gone, no one is going to care if my house was clean or not. My son will care that I took extra time to be with him.

As I close today, think, and I mean really think...what are your priorities? Is there one thing, like me, that you put a lot of priority in that really, when looked at in the big picture, when all is said and done, won't amount to a hill of beans? I am not saying that I am never going to clean my house again but will it really make that big of a difference if it waits 1/2 hour. I doubt it!

And so, as one smart bear once said..."If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh.

Blessings,